A few years ago I lost a very strong supporter of mine. She always made me feel… well, perfect. I could tell her anything and she would listen. If anything was going on she was one of the first people to know. We never went a day without talking to each other. She loved me fiercely and taught me how to love just the same. My Grandma Nancy was much more to me than just a grandmother. She was my friend and my confidant. I have never lost someone that years later I still think of daily. Every time we face a new battle or something amazing has happened, I think if I could just call her. If I could just talk to her – if only heaven had a phone.
Over the last month I have done what I always do, I struggle emotionally and then miss her even more. After the heartbreaking play incident, I thought of her as always. I talked to Matt about how I missed her as we drove to my parent’s for Thanksgiving. After we were there for a while I told my Dad the same. After a few minutes my family handed me a bag… An early Birthday present since mine was the very next day. In that bag there was a frame with an index card with very familiar handwriting….
“Accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be.”
I cannot begin to describe the chills I got when I read this, I immediately new her handwriting. Then I hear my parents’ side of the story. Just a few days before my mom had been watching the boys and my niece. They were piling papers on Bryce as he sat in his chair. They were wild and pushing my Mom’s patience a bit. As she was cleaning up all the paper, she noticed Bryce had one clenched in his fist. She took it and immediately saw my Grandmother’s writing. She couldn’t believe it – no one in our family had seen this card before. She asked Cohen where it came from and he refused to say anything other than – he didn’t do it and put blame on his cousin. My mom told him he wasn’t in trouble, she just wanted to know and he just shook his head. Right away my Mom knew that message was meant for me. After the struggles we were in the midst of, it was clear.
There was one dear friend of my Grandmother’s that knew how special our relationship had been. My Grandmother reached out to her when I was a freshman at college. She worked in the Psychology Department and since (at that time) that was my major she asked her to help me find a job. I wouldn’t know it at the time and my Grandmother didn’t know either but this dear friend worked with her staff to hire me when there wasn’t a position available. I thought of her that day – wanting to share this story with her. I am not sure why other than the fact that she realized our relationship was so special and I wanted to tell her what had happened.
For several years I hadn’t spoken to Leva, both our lives were being complicated by different circumstances. Thanksgiving evening I called my Dad again, I was still in shock over my little framed note and its message. I told Dad on the phone that I wanted to call Leva (as strange as that may be) and share the story with her. At that very moment Leva left a comment on my Facebook which isn’t something that happens frequently. Once again I was stunned and sent her a message asking for her phone number.
We connected a few days later which was emotional – I think – for both of us. We promised to keep in touch and it was such a wonderful feeling when I got off the phone. I know people say that our loved ones never really leave us. That they are watching out for us from up above. I haven’t always believed that everything happens for a reason. My faith isn’t as always strong as it should be. But this….. This was not a coincidence. This was so much more than could be explained.
I honestly believe that my Grandmother knew how much I needed her and I think that she made sure to let me know that even in death, she has never left me. I also believe that she wanted Leva and I to reconnect. It isn’t clear to me why but I know now that there is a reason.
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